17 December 2010

Momentous announcement [sic]...

We are all, no doubt, painfully familiar with the atrophy of local news services in Scotland. Wanting to do my bit to keep such valuable publications going and to nurture a polyphonous Scottish public sphere, I've agreed to publish occasional despatches from the North West's favourite organ of record, the Kinlochbervie Chronicle. Composed, published and printed in the baldy-man landscape of coastal Sutherland, the paper describes itself as "Scotland's only quality daily newspaper", offering the full gamut of news and comment - local, national and international. 

In the interests of candour, I should add that the Kinlochbervie Chronicle is owned by local "bonnet laird" Sir Reginald Sittish-Standish (so-called because of his rusting collection of antique vehicles. Mostly grey Ford fiestas). An interventionist proprietor, Sittish-Standish frittered away the wilted-salad days of his early middle age sitting as the Conservative MP for the English rural constituency of Buxomdame North, Bladderpole and Widdle-on-the-Mead. He relinquished his berth to a younger man, with little grace and a great deal of reluctance, in the Westminster General Election of 2010. Sir Reginald describes himself as a "moderately radical Thatcherite-Heathite Tory" and emphasises that his commitment to the Union of 1707 is "quite complete". Most of the day-to-day editorial tasks are devolved upon the paper's only employee - Ecclefechan McKay (MA), formerly of Glenalmond College, Edinburgh University and the Scotsman newspaper (where he was unemployed in an undisclosed capacity). The Chronicle previously brought you this exclusive coverage of David Cameron's (now conspicuously absent) "broken Britain" meme. 

Stay tuned.


  1. I look forward to the base notes of the Chronicle joining the hallowed trumpets of the media fanfare.

  2. Diversity is the thing, voiceofourown! There's a cruel dearth of shrill, conservative pro-Unionist numbers on sale in the Scottish newspaper market.

    Oh, wait...

  3. Hi Lallands,

    I "Googled" Kinlochbervie Chronichle, eager to partake of its literary gems, and the only link I got was to you.

    Has this august publication not yet got itself a web site?

    If so I am sure you could point it in the right direction, being the wiz with computers you obviously are.

    Awaiting with anticipation its digital launch, and thanking you in anticipation, failing which I suppose we should be grateful to you for whichever of its morsels you choose to reproduce for our delectation.

    I can hardly wait.


  4. Being a crusty old villain, Sir Reginald was awfully hostile to the idea of the Chronicle having a web presence for a number of years. That, no doubt, is one explanation for its absence from the vaults of google...

  5. Eagerly anticipating future articles from the Chronicle.