In other news, my friends over at the Kinlochbervie Chronicle forwarded me this leaked internal Scottish Labour Party document, which purports to outline their electoral strategy for 2011, apparently composed by the party's campaign coordinator, John Park MSP. Smuggled out of John Smith House by a peat-stained operative (who only escaped by clinging to the underside of Andy Kerr), the document confirms that Park intends to run a "through the looking glass" Holyrood campaign which will focus on the decapitation of Alex Salmond - who will be vilified as a monstrous figure - followed by a series of curious and eccentric incidents involving senior Labour party figures. The report confirms unpublicised fears, overheard by a long-lugged Kinlochbervie Chronicle journalist in his local hostelry, that Labour is concerned that their Justice spokesman Richard Baker might accidentally re-rail the campaign by using intemperate or fat-headed phrases. Park proposes to minimise the risk by reducing Baker's explanations of his policy brief to issuing cries of "Off with his head!" at regular intervals. Stunning revelations, all. Other Parky memos to be leaked across the year include Alex's Adventures in Wonderland and in a less well known, psephological work, Ecklid and his Modern Rivals.
Jabberecky!
~ John Park MSP
~ John Park MSP
’Twas Reekie, and the sloothy coves
Did oomf and burble in the 'Rood;
All flipsy were the Michael Goves,
And the gnome hacks outskewed.
“Beware the Jabbereck, my son!
Guffaws that slight! the jowls that slap!
Beware yon Sturgeon bird, and shun
The frumious Cybernats!”
Gray took his vorpal wit in gob:
Long time the Ecksome foe he sought —
So rested he up a Glesca tree,
And slumped awhile, all fraught.
And as in girnish thought he docked,
The Jabbereck, who bulged below,
Came whiffling with a ballot box,
And burbled as he stowed!
One, two! One, two! and through and through
Their witty-woos went snicker-sloop!
I'll kill him big, and with his gig
Galumphingly I'll troupe!
Did oomf and burble in the 'Rood;
All flipsy were the Michael Goves,
And the gnome hacks outskewed.
“Beware the Jabbereck, my son!
Guffaws that slight! the jowls that slap!
Beware yon Sturgeon bird, and shun
The frumious Cybernats!”
Gray took his vorpal wit in gob:
Long time the Ecksome foe he sought —
So rested he up a Glesca tree,
And slumped awhile, all fraught.
And as in girnish thought he docked,
The Jabbereck, who bulged below,
Came whiffling with a ballot box,
And burbled as he stowed!
One, two! One, two! and through and through
Their witty-woos went snicker-sloop!
I'll kill him big, and with his gig
Galumphingly I'll troupe!
“And will't thou tan the Jabbereck?
Come to my arms, my beamish Gray!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
We'll chortle in our joy.
’Twas Reekie, and the sloothy coves
Did oomf and burble in the 'Rood;
All flipsy were the Michael Goves,
And the gnome hacks outskewed.
