"'Ware ye cursed band o' hornswagglin' dram-slurpers ye! Kick yer heels an' lollop your limbs, ye skinkin' band o' blunderin' blatherskites! The Salmond sloop be sunk, 'tis lead ballooned, wi' a wanion! Sunk, ye girnin' tit-willies! Man overboard, every Salmond for himself, yarr!" [Exit Alex Salmond, wet...]
[Enter a ragged Maximum Eck, blearily surveying the dessicated vista of a hump-backed isle, studded with the odd sprouting tropical tree. In his delirium, a sun and sea-addled Salmond takes them to be fully ripened haggises hanging from the palms' groaning boughs. A few days gnawing confirms coconuts only...] As has been widely trailed elsewhere, today Alex Salmond appeared on the BBC's Desert Island Discs. Those suspecting that his musical choices would confirm Salmond's limited semiotic range will likely not find themselves disappointed. Taking the Complete Work of Robert Burns as his literary life-raft, I wondered whether as his luxury, he might pick a fully-staffed Tunnock's teacake factory. Not so. Svelt Eck asked for nothing more than a humble sand wedge to tuck down his garter and hoped to find the following records amongst the flotsam and jetsam washed up on his gaunt and lonely beach...
Anne Lorne Gillies ~ "Ae fond kiss"Gian Carlo Menotti ~ "Don’t Cry Mother Dear from Amahl and the Night Visitors"Gerry Rafferty ~ "Baker Street"The Proclaimers ~ "I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)Paul Robeson ~ "Joe Hill"Capercaillie ~ "Coisich, a Ruin"Johnny Cash ~ "San Quentin"Dougie MacLean ~ "Caledonia"
The interview's emphasis is personal and biographical rather than political, liable to be of particular interest in the case of a political figure whose public phizog is so familiar. Listen to the whole programme here.